9 + 1 Things You Need to Tell Your Spouse

Being married 6 months or 60 years takes a lot of love, work, effort, laughter, etc. Every season in life is a refining fire and each has its own struggles and triumphs. As a newly wed, I have never so fully realized the power of my words. A part of building lasting, deep and intimate relationships involves speaking life and speaking the truth in love to who you love.

It may seem obvious, but whether you call your spouse to just hear their voice or if those calls have all turned into reminders to pick up toilet paper, here are a few things that are important to say to your significant other as often as you can. Of course, before I was a married person, I was a single person, and I have to say no matter what relational season you find yourself in, these 10 phrases are just as important to say to those you love.

Today, I am joined again by my husband! I gave him a quick call and simply asked him (while I'm sure he was holding up supports to a house) what is something important you need to tell me every day. His response without a second thought is what you'll read in today's + 1!

1. I love you & I like you.

Hearing ‘I love you’ was probably a hot shot of butterflies in your stomach the first time it came from your love. Over time, we can assume that our spouse knows we love them. But, the truth is ‘I love you’ are words that hold precious power every time you say them. These words never grow old. My man will tell me as much as he loves me, he likes me. Liking your spouse is a little different than loving them. My husband sees me at my lowest and highest unfiltered, exposed, and truest self, and saying ‘Babe, I like you’ carries a tremendous amount of love. When I say “I love you” and “I like you” I also am saying I choose you and I want you. ‘I love you’ needs to be said over and over and over again. Don’t just think saying it here or there is good enough.

2. How are you doing?

I mean really. Being truthful with my husband is key to building trust and a strong relationship. For men, they may just answer ‘good’ and for women, we may go on and on, and that’s ok. But, we need to ask! We need to be open to sharing and listening. We need to share our cares with each other. We need to communicate our thoughts and opinions. We need to be vulnerable and not freak out. I told my husband, I may go on and on, and I don’t necessarily need you to fix my problem, rather I need you to hold me and wipe my tears off my face and say ‘it’s going to be ok.’ And other times, I need him to set me straight. Also, ask you spouse how they are doing so that you can celebrate them! I want to know the valley times just as much as the mountain top times – the good the bad, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health, right? Be there to listen, to support, and to celebrate.

3. You’re hot/sexy/handsome/beautiful.

Compliments are like the icing on the cake – let your person know that you appreciate them and want them. I was surprised when my husband told me he was totally in love with things about my body that I was insecure about. I love seeing him smile when I tell him just how handsome I think he is. As much as validating and speaking life over your spouse’s heart is, it is also important to 'absorb' what your spouse is saying about you. Nothing is quite so attractive to a guy when he sees his woman believing that she is beautiful. Compliments involve a give and take so say 'thank you' - not 'no, I'm not' or 'that's not true'. Let your spouse love you with their words. It's true that we gain a sense of confidence and feel desirable when getting compliments- and these compliments need to come from your spouse. Give and receive those flirtatious comments from your spouse – playful banter is the best. Giggle, grin, take it all in ;)

4. I’m proud of you.

I never knew the power of saying ‘I’m proud of you’ until I did one day and my man soaked it in like water in the desert. I want my husband to know that I am his biggest fan and supporter. I want him to know I’m in his corner. I want to celebrate all the little things no one else see’s like when he wakes up at 4 A.M. to shovel snow or stays late after work to help someone out with their truck. I don’t need to wait for him to do something amazing - I want him to know that I am proud of the man he is.

5. I’m sorry. I forgive you.

These two phrases go hand in hand for me. Hopefully, you don’t have to say these daily, but when it comes up, you need to say them. Humbleness and forgiveness are foundational to a strong marriage. We all make mistakes and it sucks, but what is even worse is letting issues burrow and plant offence and bitterness. Owning up to what you have done and saying ‘I am sorry’ and then on the other side, saying ‘I forgive you’ allows healing to occur. Accept the apology and accept their forgiveness.

6. I respect you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Ok, respect is like love – you may think they know, but hearing it from your lips is powerful. Respect is translated from the Greek word timesate, which literally means to place a great value or high price on something. Biblically, it is to recognize that some people are more important than you are (Philippians 2:3). When I tell my husband I respect him, I remind him how much I love him and that I trust him.

7. I miss you.

Not implying that you are needy and clingy, or are absent from each other all the time, but saying ‘I miss you’ really implies that you are thinking about your spouse and you want their presence. After 9 months of long distance dating and then planning a wedding in two separate countries, I said ‘I miss you’ a lot. I hated saying it and then being married and with him almost daily, I still found myself thinking ‘I miss my man’. It’s not a bad thing, but rather it’s a reminder to him that I love being with him and doing life with him – playing games or watching a movie or going to Church or working on our house or going on a trip.

8. Please & Thank you.

Every body loves politeness. Maybe that’s just the Canadian in me? Saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’, or ‘you’re welcome’ acknowledges respect. When I say something as simple as “Why didn’t you pick up a jug of milk?” versus “Babe, could you please pick up a jug of milk when you come home?” takes a simple word to convey value and gratitude for their efforts. It shows care and appreciation. Don’t take these little words for granted.

9. Hello & Goodbye.

Simply saying ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’, ‘good morning’, and ‘good night’ creates openness and an acknowledgement of the other person. Simply connecting before the day starts and when the day ends with even a kiss, a note on the bathroom mirror, a text, or saying hello or goodbye keeps your communication channels open. My husband always gets up before me, and I am so grateful that he says ‘I love you’ and goodbye. For many couples, you may try not to wake up the other person before you leave or when you come home, so just leave a note. It’s romantic, it’s thoughtful, and it’s caring. If you're the one feeling a loss of connection - you write the note. Don't just wait for them to make the first move.

Here is your + 1 brought to you by my man!

+ 1. I value your opinion.

I need your opinion because you are my best friend. My wife is my partner, and supporter of my life. As a guy, I need and want to hear your thoughts on what I am doing, what I’m going through, and what my plans are. Letting my wife know that she is appreciated and her perspectives are valued helps me to grow as a husband and as a man. This kind of communication and practiced listening adds an intimate, open, and honest perspective to our marriage that helps remind me that before she is my wife, she is my best friend.

Blessings - AKS xox

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