Why do I do the things I do?

Whenever I think about writing or publishing again, I trip over the thought process of ‘am I worthy enough?’ and ‘am I good enough?’ and ‘what do I have to offer that hasn’t been done before or better then before?’ It is a trip wire that unleashes a self-check of my motives. Why do I write? What do I have to offer?

I think we all hit that wire at some point when we think about our passions and how those things can benefit the world. But, does it have to benefit the world? Does it have to instill change to others? Or is it more for us? Me?

My father loves to say, “why do I do the things I do, and who do I do them for?” If that question did not end with God as the answer, then I really needed to question my motives. What do I have to offer? My passions. Why do I offer my passions? To bless. Who are my passions blessing? Hopefully others, myself and I hope they bring glory to God.

I want to do the best I can, but I seem to be caught up in this unspoken, invisible race of rules and expectations that have been set up in my mind by a world that really could care less, because after all, aren’t we all trying to self promote? Really. It is a basic human nature of “I want to be like God” – self-promotion – from day one in the garden (or whatever ‘day’ that was). But, by checking my motives of “I want to be God” and instead, I focus my passion and intentions to be about Him, I believe I become a reflection of His image.

I always want to respond to these following questions with these answers: What is the point? Him. What is my worth? His. Why do I want to write? To bless others. To make others think. To just say what God has placed on my heart. If the answers or questions become more about my emotions and myself then I feel very inadequate and unworthy. It’s hard to maintain vision of selflessness in a world that feeds off of self. Just yesterday I saw a tagline to a jewelry company that very bluntly stated the very foundation of our fallen state – worship me. Like, wow. I was stunned to see such a blunt exhortation of self.

Maybe it is with this worry or fear that I often misconstrue writing on a public platform as self-glorification, but in all truth, I daily need to remind myself that it’s actually based in a place to glorify Jesus Christ. So well the world looks through the only lenses it has, all about me, and see’s what I say as selfish gain, I deliberately remind myself that my motives need to be all about Him. In essence, it is a good thing to 'trip' over that wire of 'self' and see where we are at and ask ourselves what is the motive of what I do and not to be afraid to say, if it is to glorify myself and my talents, then when all the confetti falls and accolades fade, what will be left to stand on?

I have written about identity before, and I will again as it seems to be the point of which I face day in and day out. But, this is what I clearly want to get across today: your passions were placed within you by a loving Father God. Your passions and gifts were not to make you stumble and fall and feel selfish and weak. Your passions were placed within you because of Love; to love (God) and be loved (by God) and show love (to God) and receive love (from God) and know love (of God). And you will experience the love of others as a result of functioning out of that love (your identity in Christ), but unlike God's love, human infatuation eventually ends.

So, I want to ask you, honestly, simply on this Sunday morning, what passions do you have that are being stunted by the worry that you are ‘self promoting’? What ‘worthlessness’ do you get caught up in that prevents you from unleashing the worth God has placed within you? I ask you to return to the question, why do I do the things I do, and who do I do them for? Cooking? Acting? Singing? Mentoring? Running? Side note, I don’t believe those things we do to benefit ourselves personally are selfish when we return to the root of why we do them and honestly acknowledge the foundation of why we do them (e.g., relaxation for mental health, personal fitness, etc.).

Now, we are human and there are definitely selfish goals and reasons. Check them. Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself. The reason I don’t write a lot or I’ve stunted my publishing growth comes from in my belief that what I have to say or write has already been said. Thankfully, even writing that very statement down released a quiet answer in my heart saying, ‘the world is a big place, and one voice cannot say it once and be done. No, many voices need to speak truth day after day in order for it to be heard.’ Wow, so there it is.

If my worth is bound up in being original or the first one to say something profound, then I will not go far at all. I may be an echo, and I am all right with that. I mean, after all, I can never claim to be the source of anything inspiring, only an obedient daughter that knows if the truth makes me think or go ‘wow’, then perhaps someone else can join my exhalation of wonder and the ‘aha’ moment.

So friend, what exhalation do you need to release?

I will join you. We are, after all, on an adventure together. And we need each other.

Reminding myself of my foundation,

AKS

xox