The Truth About Yesterday

I woke up this morning to a torrent of rain and thundering. I opened the blinds to come face to face with nature's vigorous tussle with itself. Almost hypnotic, the storm outside mimics my own thoughts, a whirling buzz of disquiet, a rush of light, liquid, and earth. I hold my breath and it holds my attention. The weather outside is all to familiar to me.

I’m a person who reflects. I look back on my choices, the words I've spoken, the interactions I've had, and I pick apart these memories until I surmise them as ash or gold. I do this all the time – getting ready in the morning, in my car on the way to wherever, when I am working, and of course when I drift off to sleep. It’s a storm of voices in my head, competing for first place. And often the trophy of reflection is not kissed with a confident red lipstick from a positive, happy, smiling person. Rather, the thoughts of recall leave abrasions and scratch marks, dark and beastly, unforgiving and reserved for the 'self-hatred' stretcher.

We are hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up about the past and disguise our battle scars with silence, offence, and bitterness. We hide our choices and experiences under the wraps of shame, doubt, and regret, leaving us tired and heavy.

It seems from the point of creation, we have become great at disguising our fears and pain. Our present state of being is trapped, our future is bubble wrapped, and our past is pulled a part with hard core wishing we had a time machine to blast off back to the moment and change what we said, what we did, and what we chose.

About a year ago, I was walking around a friend’s house when I noticed a ‘sticky note’ wall she had made of different quotes and notes and reminders. I asked if I could write something down, and she gave me a yellow post-it. I had no idea what I was going to write at first, and then scribbled: "Yesterday, I choose love." Wait? What? I double checked my tenses, readied to correct my mistake, but then the reality of this statement hit me.

Today we have to make a conscious effort to respond to yesterday’s choices and actions. More than not, I unconsciously choose to view yesterday with insecurity, fear, pain, etc. I had to realize (and have to - cause the journey is realllll!) "Honey, that isn't Biblical." God calls us to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), and while He captivates us with His love, so we should take captive the way we view our past through the lens love.

Hear me out: This love is not celebrating the sorrow or hurt, and it is not agreeing with the pain or choice. Rather, these thoughts of love basically activate self-forgiveness within me and actively redefine my identity in Christ. I am no longer a slave to fear. I am no longer a prisoner to pain. I am no longer a victim to the mistakes I've made. Today, is a new day. Yesterday is gone so I'm not going to let it become my master.

This is where the healing comes and sorrows turn into present joys. If you need to pursue forgiveness, pursue it. If you need to receive counsel and healing, receive it. It is one thing to forgive others, but it's a whole other thing to forgive yourself. Choosing to look at your past through the eyes of love affirms that yesterday happened and you are and will be stronger for it. Choosing to see yesterday with love asserts that you are growing and learning, your are a child of God, you are forgiven.

“Yesterday, I choose love”, a present state of mind that reconditions your heart. Love is not a trivial thing nor is it a passive thing; love is not always a happy thing or a safe thing. Love is a call to action to be patient and kind to yourself and those around you. To love without envy or pride. To love in a humble way, to be unbought by selfishness and to not be easily angered. To love means you do not keep a record of wrongs! Child of God, know that love delights itself in truth. Love protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

Love may one day look like dirt on the knees and dark circles underneath the eyes, the next day it may glow with vibrancy and swell with expectation. Whether walking that broken road or sailing calm seas, love is a powerful rearview mirror to look behind in. See! You've made it through that storm and you will make it through the next. You have room to grow and a greater resolve to go further than your past ever could.

Friends, to love myself into today is a conscious, difficult choice. We need to copy the words Jesus used in the boat on the Galilee and say to our hearts and minds "Peace, be still." We need to take a deep breath and remind ourselves who we are, not what we were.

So friends, as the storm outside my window subsides and daylight is breaking through...

Yesterday, let's choose love.

- AKS xox

Three Ways You Can Look on Yesterday With Love Right Now

1. Pray. Speak to Jesus honestly, consciously, and truthfully - He can handle it. A simple prayer can be: Jesus, today I ask for forgiveness of the negative and harmful thoughts I have spoken and believed about myself. I do not want to think about myself this way again. Transform my thoughts and let me know what You think about me. Help me to see through Your eyes. Let me understand how wonderfully You have made me. Help me and remind me to use my tongue and my mind to speak words of life and hope over my life. Thank you Jesus and in Your name, Amen.

2. Gratitude. Think of one thing you are thankful for with regards to your past. It could be something as basic as being alive for such a time as this, being able to walk through the storm, becoming a stronger person. It could be for God's love, the sunshine on that day, the fact you made it home, the realization that you sinned and you are an heir of salvation. Thank Jesus for His love this every time you think of that past situation.

3. Speak. When those negative, hurtful thoughts about yourself pop up, take a deep breath and say (out loud if you need to) I forgive myself. I am forgiven. I am a child of God. Simple truths like this are like lava to the Enemy and water to your soul. You may not fully believe it now, but SPEAK it every time and watch those thoughts melt away.

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